Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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