I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
