How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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