i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
