i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
