Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
