yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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