My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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