the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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