i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
