I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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