TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
