I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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