Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
