their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
