I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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