Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
