life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
