Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
