well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
