They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
