Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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