I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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