she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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