I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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