I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
