So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
