Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
