i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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