my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
