Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
