Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
