just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
