I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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