Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hippo gnu deer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
