I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
