so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
