True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
