Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Randomize
