Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
