Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
