I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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