Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
