You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
