Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
