I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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