So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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