Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
