Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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