his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
