I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My first STD was from a foam party
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
